


Psychic Dreams

by PearlCrysta



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Bullying, Childhood Troubles, Conservative Family, Dancing, Dream Support, Emotional torment, F/M, Hyun Ryu before becoming Zen, Karaoke, Life Before an Actor, Music, No Family Support, Not Fitting In, Singing, piano lessons, psychic dreams, student life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-27 09:52:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10806726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlCrysta/pseuds/PearlCrysta
Summary: Zen is being tormented by a bittersweet dream that has the nasty habit of appearing in the most inappropriate moments of his life, but offers the male the necessary push to overcome the obstacles in his path. From early childhood to blooming adulthood, a mysterious figure shrouded in darkness accompanies the silver haired male in his endeavors, until one day – it stops.The day when his ruby eyes met the R.F.A.'s new member, everything became crystal clear.Including the grip the party planner unsuspectingly had on the actor's heart.First chapter revolves around Zen's 7th birthday and the first time he meets this shadow in his dreams.





	1. Phase One: Zen's 7th birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hello everyone~!_
> 
> _There was an idea that kept bugging my mind and it was that of Zen's life before becoming the overly confident, narcissistic, lovely silver haired actor we all know and cherish ^^. I liked the way he was portrayed in the game as sometimes gifted with 'psychic/prophetic dreams'. It made me believe those would sometimes help him in the roughest moments of life or help him make some choices he would have normally avoided or not thought of._
> 
> _Originally, I wanted this idea to morph into a one-shot piece, but of course I am unable to do a 'one shot' ; seriously, unless a chapter is over 10000 words (at least) i cannot be happy -jfcwhatstupidstrugglesIhave-overlydetailingthings-cannotstop. So i am going to start fragment things and don't ask how long it will be ^^;;; it's never something I know._
> 
> _This fic can be read as a stand-alone piece, but a lot of events in Zen's family/school life i might reference in my main fic, Night-Owl Romance (distant future ^o^ Will announce there when it happens and link to the chapters here. )_
> 
> _I don't plan on doing any explicit pairing, but I might show Zen's 'firsts' or imply them during the fic. Road of his rebellion lol, disobeying his parents, getting fed up with his life, crisis of teenagehood, experiencing love or something he thought was love, first gigs, bad things he did - beating up thugs, stealing to survive, threatening people for cash, riding a bike etc._

.

. 

**_The strange dream first appeared when Zen, known solely as Hyun Ryu at the time, had barely turned seven years old._ **

After a most horrible day spent at school, with countless children bullying the scrawny looking boy to tears due to being born **_a genuine fool_** , picking on his unnatural hair color and bloody red eyes, **_demon eyes_** , Hyun's torment had continued for the worst as he returned home. His freshly dried face had become drenched once again for, instead of being greeted the warmth of a birthday party celebration and yummy foods, the small one had instantly met the harshness of his mother's hand.

The woman's own cheeks were matched in her son's crimson orbs, fury burning her entire body while she was holding crumpled pieces of paper in her hands and violently shaking them. Her yelling could only be topped by the siren of the passing ambulances.

_What had caused such rage?_

Well, his mother had just discovered her son's latest test results at school, intentionally hidden between the text books spread across the desk in the room. Hyun had barely passed the subject, the grade entirely appalling the woman even though it was not written in official records so there wasn't any actual harm done to his academic results. Children of his young age were not stressed with grades but taught the basics of education, solidifying a foundation they would later on stack upon important bricks of knowledge. Thus, worries of failure would not become an issue for the child until years later, the current types of testing useful more for the teachers who needed to evaluate the children's progress inside the class room and how well they fared in a new environment apart from home. The results did not impact their future.

 ** _In theory anyway_**.

Unfortunately, for many youngsters, especially Hyun who was part of a family deeply rooted in the academic world, with both of his parents being veterans in this field, failure was not seen with keen eyes even at this early age. On the contrary, it was a disastrous notion. High standards needed to be kept and leniency over failure was not tolerated by family members because it meant that you were _encouraging_ such results if you openly accepted them.

.

_You were encouraging mediocrity, which was a parent's worst nightmare to hear._

.

As such, the boy's harsh punishment was _necessary_ in his mother's view who was starting to fear the rebellious path her son might take in the future if she did not act fast to prevent it. **_'This always starts from low grades and such problems need to be remedied while one still had power to do so.'_** , was her reasoning, Hyun's mother witness to many students going off the rails as they got older, especially those who put their education on other priorities instead of being their first one.

.

_She needed to eliminate anything that could threaten her child's growth and potential._

_Even if she had to do so with force and intimidation._

.

The seaweed soup his mother had carefully cooked was thrown down the trash in front of Hyun's eyes, who was scolded by this action as well. Her hard work that day had been compromised because of the youth's insensitivity to her efforts. He did not deserve a single drop of soup, nor any of the presents prepared for him that were, instead, returned to the shop.

"I hope we can recover the wasted money. Your father was right, we should have settled with just food for you! I shall not make such a mistake **ever** again!"

Hyun's tears were not able to faze her, another slap enforcing her authority – _he should stop acting like an entitled child_ , his mother immediately sending him off to start working on a wide array of chores in the house and finishing up all of the school's assignments.

Plus extra homework she had printed out for him to complete.

"If I see **any ** mistake on your tasks, you will be heading to bed without a meal."

And,

Without a meal he had gone, Hyun climbing up into bed at nearly 2 a.m. thanks to the tasks his mother was pouring out in front of his face. She was endlessly pestering his lifeless, shivering body, even as he was tucked in bed. _He should be lucky he was allowed his blanket for the night!_ His mother continued to blame the silver haired boy for keeping the entire family awake at this late hour because of his mistakes, which, in turn, made her voice roar and echo in every corner of the house.

.

_Did Hyun hate them so much to do so on purpose?!_

.

 **"N-N-NO!!!"** , the silver haired child would not dare even think so, becoming so emotionally drained. At the end, he would always fall into deep, restless slumbers. The moment his head hit the moist pillow that's when a thick veil of darkness had surrounded his tiny body, squeezing him into a painful clutch as he nearly convulsed from it. Hyun cried,

And cried,

And cried,

Until his eyes became one huge pool of red and –

_._

**_"Oh..."_ **

**_"Why are you crying...?"_ **

.

Hyun was startled and opened his eyes but he could not spot anything. The voice was high pitched, yet really faint, almost like a whisper. The boy was scared, wishing to run away but his legs could not move an inch as the shadow seemed to intensify in its pitch black hue.  

.

**_"Are you hurt anywhere?"_ **

_._

The noise was becoming louder, words unwilling to escape Hyun's mouth no matter how much his throat constricted.

.

**_"You look in so much pain..."_ **

**_"Does it hurt when I do this?"_ **

**_"Or touch here?"_ **

_._

Shivers ran down the child's spine as something warm pressed onto his frozen figure. His first reaction was to twitch and retreat, but the lack of space to move made it difficult, impossible really. 

**_Demon._ **

That was the first thing that popped into his head, but the voice only giggled at the silly notion.

_What was it then?_

.

**_"I am... lost."_ **

**_"But you looked so bright, I could barely turn away."_ **

**_"I can't turn my eyes away... anymore."_ **

_._

It did not answer the boy one bit, bringing forth more confusion in his mind. His _pain_ was, however, diminishing, as was his shivering.

_What had Lost done to him?!_

.

**_"A secret cure~!"_ **

**_"Want me to show you?"_ **

.

The voice teased, Hyun unsure whether to nod or -

.

**_"One, two, three ---"_ **

**_*Chu*_ **

_._

"!!!!", Hyun jolted from his bed, eyes wide opened as he frenetically searched the room. The boy was confused for a few seconds, his heart beating wildly entire minutes.

The silver haired youth was back in his bedroom, able to pick up the life which was coming from the kitchen area, probably from the opened TV his mother was watching while she was tending to breakfast.

"..."

Hyun was uncertain about what exactly he had dreamt that night, vaguely remembering something brushing against his hand, face and... _*touches cheek*_

**The skin was hot.**

The words from the dream were already forgotten, gone from his memory, but the gentleness and kindness residing within was something he had not experienced before. _Not to such an extent and not even from his own mother._ Nonetheless, it managed to wipe away plenty of hurt and suffering overwhelming his body during the boy's special day. Hyun felt quite refreshed despite having rested four hours or less.

His mother was also in a slightly uplifting mood, things soon returning to a sort of normalcy in the household.

...

His birthday was no longer a source of tears.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Also, I need to point out that my knowledge of education in korea is very, very limited, so take everything you read with a grain of salt._


	2. Phase Two: Taekwondo and Piano

 

With each passing year, things were spiraling towards a more negative type of normalcy at home, in which Hyun was drowning and gradually suffocating, without any means of escaping the unfair reality.

.

**_Thankfully, not everything was grim for the silver haired boy~!_ **

.

His brother, who had since moved out of the family household, would always cheer the little one up when visiting during the major holidays, encouraging Hyun in his studying and buying him treats to motivate the boy – _in secret, since their parents disapproved the gesture_.

"Are you doing well?", he would politely ask the youth whose depressed pout would break anyone's heart... if that heart hadn't been already hardened. His brother sighed deeply, visibly irritated, but refrained from scolding the already defeated critter. Instead, he ran a hand through the boy's unnaturally soft, silver folds and messed his fuzzy hairstyle so badly, the boy was becoming cheeky and defensive.

"That's for wearing such a pathetic expression!", the older male knitted his eyebrows together, pointing out how everyone desired nothing but the best out of him. No true ill intent was behind their parents' actions even if their methods seemed harsh and unpleasant at times. "Appreciate every word you get, because if our parents stopped loving you, then they wouldn't bother even glancing at you and allowed you to ruin your life."

"But...", Hyun wanted to protest for he could not see the situation in such a positive manner; the opposite actually, yet his brother wanted nothing more to hear regarding this subject.

"Trust that it's all for your own wellbeing and to ensure you will have a bright future. Every hardship pays off in the end, so endure it and make everyone proud."

"..."

"Are you listening to me?"

"..."

**"Hyun!"**

"Yes..."

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, hyung..."

Hyun wanted to trust in his brother, he really did since he had been the only person showing direct _love_ to him for a good amount of his childhood. Nevertheless, some days were harder to endure without breaking down into sobs when nobody was looking or paying attention to him, muffling the sounds as to not get into trouble if discovered.

Some days...

...

They were bad.

Really bad.

.

**_Hyun's salvation would always come from within his dream world._ **

.

 ** _The echoing shadow_** would often make an appearance during the nights when the boy was at his lowest, both mentally and physically, close to attempting something foolish just to stop hurting.

_Wanting to sleep forever and never wake up..._

But these foolish thoughts would be dispelled in his dreams, the _warmth_ he craved for and was devoid of always coming in this strange, mystic form visiting his nights. These nice feelings would devour his body and spread inside his most inner corners of the soul, fuelling him with the necessary strength and will to keep hanging onto this world.

To keep moving forward.

Giving him the strength he lacked.

.

**_"Don't leave me in the dark..."_ **

**_"I've been searching... for so long..."_ **

**.**

"What have you been searching for?", Hyun would mimic the question with his mouth, no sound escaping his lips. But somehow, the being always understood the boy correctly, answering the best it could.  

Even his unspoken questions had a response.

.

**_"A shining light."_ **

.

Needless to say these answers were confusing ^^;;;;

It left him feeling dumbstruck, questioning the being's own level of sanity while overhearing a set of giggles suddenly breaking the silence of the area. **_The silver haired boy was that shadow's light,_** taking a blushing Hyun by surprise as he stared at his own body or... or at least tried to since he couldn't spot anything other than a vague contour, tainted in inky black hues.

It was so odd...

Hyun would be able to see this vague contour, but when he tried touching his chest, arms or even legs, he would be met with nothingness. But at the same time the silver haired student _knew very well_ that something was there. His body was definitely there but he couldn't reach it.

It wasn't materialized.

. 

**_"I don't know why, but when I see you in this dark world,"_ **

**_"I feel at peace."_ **

**_"Happy."_ **

**_"Content."_ **

**_"Are you?"_ **

.

The boy raised an eyebrow confused, the shadow asking the question once more – _was he happy?_

"Here... I feel – ", he wanted to say the words, but something heavy was preventing him from doing so, making it harder to breathe all of a sudden. The shadow raised its voice, calling out his name in terror. Hyun felt like he was sinking, faster and faster, falling into an even darker abyss than before. He was screaming so loudly for someone to save him, when he had suddenly darted open his eyes and –

!!!

– met the unscrupulous expression of his fuming mother.

"Boy...", she started, veins popping at the corners of her forehead. Hyun had not heard his alarm clock so he was running late for school. **"Again."**

 **"AH!!!"** , the silver haired student stumbled clumsily on his feet, quickly dragged by his mother to the washroom, Hyun's cleaned uniform already neatly prepared for him there.

 **"You have five minutes!"** , he heard the woman's sharp tone, the student doing his best to prepare in that short time frame or else he would have to go to school regardless whether he was ready or not. Still... _what had just happened to him back there?_

Again,

Hyun would forget the content of the dreams, but the sensations within them...

.

 **He would never**.

.

**~oOo~**

.

As time passed by, the boy was slowly learning to cope with living in such a challenging environment. He was crying less and less, aiming to become the proud son their parents wanted while abiding by their every whim, doing all tasks and chores they had prepared for him.

It made family life _easier_ in a sense.

But the heaviness of his heart was growing, adding more and more hurt on top of the already huge pile. Crying used to lower the burden, but as he forced himself to stop, now these emotional problems were intensifying.

Hyun had nobody close who would care to listen to his struggles.

.

**No one to share his pains, instructed to deal with them on his own.**

.

The bullying at school was only getting worse to the point his clothing, one day, had become too dirty for the family to believe it was only their troublesome son being clumsy at walking. The school was a rather expensive one to attend so washing his clothing this often might put a serious dent in their finances.

There was no proof of such _bullying_ taking place though.

Even Hyun was a little afraid to speak up the truth in front of the school's principal while his father was present to the meeting, talking to the official as they were old acquaintances.

"Unfortunately, if it's happening outside our school grounds and school hours, without valid proof or statements from witnesses, apart from student Ryu Hyun's, then I am afraid it is out of my power to do anything." 

"You know how things work here.", the old man pressed both hands together, glancing at the father whose knuckles slightly trembled.

_Yes, he knew very well._

Knew his son was incapable of staying out of trouble, adding more to the list that set the silver haired boy apart from his older brother.

.

**Negatively.**

.

At the request of his father, Hyun had started taken up sports, the man wanting to not only educate his son's mind, but also his body because one without the other could not function at optimum capacity.

These _fights_ were hindering his educational progress.

The old professor had a coworker who was a trainer in a respectable facility which was located rather close to home. Moreover, the training fees would be cheaper due to their connections than it would have otherwise been.

Hyun's mother was against the idea. Adamantly. The boy learning taekwondo and other martial arts practices was something she did not want to consider at all, fearing their son would get into more damaging situations in the future. However, she caved in at her spouse's insistence and his outburst at her illogical refusal. He had researched that it was between the top taekwondo centers in town, there was nothing wrong in preparing your body for the harshness of the future.

The woman eventually bit her tongue and let it go.

She hated it, but her husband had the last word in this household.

As the man departed for a restaurant, meeting up with his co-workers for a late night session of drinking, the woman was left alone in the house. Up until then, Hyun was quietly sitting at the table and scribbling on his notebook, aware of the full argument his parents had because of the situation.

 **"Satisfied?"** , she hissed at him, mumbling to no end how he will end up a thug, not trusting the boy's judgment to make any kind of good decisions one bit. Hyun took all verbal hits, not glancing away from his homework or else his eyes would betray the hurt leaking from his heart.

"Ah, so much money going to be gone. Why are you like this?!", the woman groaned and hissed, pondering her next move.

In order to prevent further catastrophe, Hyun's mother would need to make sure to fill up the boy's weekends with other activities, which would feed onto the spiritual side more. But also something that could help develop the child's focus and studying capabilities, lowering any violent tendencies which may arise.

.

_Piano lessons were quite popular to give to children here, a mark of wealth even._

_And Hyun was the perfect age to start learning._

.

**"You have been spoiled with free time for far too long."**

**"Things will change from now on."**

**"Stop showing such an ugly expression, you're not making your face look any better."** , she pointed out, the boy suppressing any remarks. At this rate, he won't even know what a TV looks like when it's turned on.

Already Hyun's schedule is packed up tightly, the only _breaks_ being when dinner was ready or the trip towards the toilet could no longer be avoided. Otherwise, hobbies and leisure times were foreign concepts to the kid, always working, and working, and working... if not for school, then for his mother.

The boy was certain he would dread these extra hours as much as he did with the time spent on his previous tasks.

...

He was quickly proven wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two important decisions that will plant tiny seeds into Hyun's soul that will end up going beyond his mother's control x3 Stay tuned~!


	3. Phase Three: Bullying and Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Warning** – the chapter contains acts of bullying (like in the title) and mentions physical violence. ^^ Read at your own discretion. _   
>  _Also, sorry for the long time it took to post another chapter XD I was busy plotting on my main fic, but I finally had a sparkle for this one._

 

The first few weeks of intense practice turned his young body into a sore mess and were quite painful on Hyun's muscles. Walking without flinching proved to be a difficult task and it made dying feel like a sweet release at this point.

But Hyun was not a quitter.

The child was prevailing despite his worn out physique, carrying a tiny shimmer of hope in his mind that made him welcome every single one of the horrendous training session – **_he wanted to become strong_**. He wanted his body to finally grow out of this feeble, weakened state and have the ability to chase away any malicious person he would encounter.

Many kids in the classroom continued to gang up on Hyun during lunch hour, touching him in places he did not want them to, pulling harshly onto his silvery hair and constantly poking their fingers in his squishy face. Not to mention they were also checking whether his eyes were real or was there a type of trickery to their unnatural color. 

_"What a freak!!! Are you even human?!"_

_"You look too weird to be one."_

_"Ha, ha, ha! Hair like old man already, ha, ha, ha!!!"_

Still, Hyun was successfully thriving under such harsh environment and the mysterious being lurking within his dreams was an important factor to his survival.

_._

**_"You can achieve any goal you will set."_ **

**_"I can feel it..."_ **

**_"Your presence... is blinding..."_ **

**_"It carries greatness."_ **

**_"And it is capable of lighting many paths in its way."_ **

**_"Light my own..."_ **

.

His motivation was always high in the mornings afterwards, however Hyun was still having trouble remembering those dreams. Nevertheless, some things were becoming clearer and stuck to him – he would remember the contour of the shadow, which had shifted into a humanoid form, much tinier than his own stature.

It remained featureless, but its aura exhumed the same kindness that would inspire the boy to keep moving forward.

_._

_The boy did not question its presence in his life, assuming it was a natural part of one's existence._

.

Over time, the training effects were becoming quite visible as it was shaping his figure into a form that became more noticeable and, somehow, slightly appreciated. His baby fat was slimming down, revealing an attractive V-shape line on his face while uncovered arms had a tad thicker build to them. People were suddenly seeing the kid in a fresh new light, especially the girls.

_Maybe he wasn't the weak fool everyone had labeled him to be...?_

To add more to his appeal, the music lessons shoved down his throat proved to be even better than the taekwondo meetings, Hyun's thirst for the melodic instrument growing each week. His teacher was especially impressed by his learning capabilities which the young student had the opportunity of showcasing in some classes at school, receiving much praise for the intricate performances he could do.

_It didn't come as a surprise for Hyun's piano teacher, very proud of the little one like he'd be with his grandson._

The old man knew the boy was made to spend his life around it – _around music_. However, he was also highly aware of the mother's opinion since day one. The woman did not care for her child to excel in the instrument, she only desired for Hyun to improve his education because the plans were for him to follow in his older brother's footsteps.

.

**_"No exceptions, so please do not place any reckless thoughts into his mind."_ **

.

The old man accepted the terms.

He was a retired old man who had been quite a renowned pianist in his youth, with a rich musical background and impressive talent to back him in youth throughout his difficult, but fulfilling journey. The teacher used to travel the world alongside an orchestra and spent his ripest years bringing the world music and enchanting audiences with his companions.

Now, all he wished was to live his remaining sunset days in a comfortable manner.

With no living wife and most relatives living far away, the old man could use a youth's company before his passing.

_He would see his nephews and niece too rarely, Hyun becoming a reflection of them and treating him as a precious child._

It was also the first time in the boy's life that he felt really close to someone.

.

Apart from the shadow in his dream.

.

**~oOo~**

.

Six months had finally delivered the desired results in Hyun's middle school life.

One afternoon, some students had gathered around the back of the sports building, in a tiny, secluded courtyard. The area was not habitually visited at this hour by either teachers, or staff members.

An important showdown was happening, a _lesson_ for Hyun to remember his place inside the school's social system. The gang of bullies had a leader who had gotten quite fed up by the whispers of admiration coming from the girls' side and some of the boys.

The silver haired freak's popularity had bloomed since the talent show, which was also the day his girlfriend began to have second thoughts about them dating.

_._

_"To be honest, you're quite boring and the more I look at you, the more distress I get."_

_"You're lacking compared to... others."_

_"I'm not interested in you anymore."_

_._

It was aggravating to be insulted like that, Hyun's wickedness becoming more apparent with the on-growing arrogance he was displaying with the followers he was getting. The leader did not want to be gentle on him anymore, expecting the silver haired kid to drop on the ground quickly in their match and ask for forgiveness, like the dirty dog he was.

**_The same as before!!!_ **

The grudge filled boy had prepared this event for days, gathering up his ex-girlfriend and her friends to witness the demise of this louse, as well as other students high up on the 'hierarchy' list. It was to set an example of true worth in this school!

.

**_He had the money._ **

**_He had the power._ **

**_He had the skills._ **

**_He had the brain._ **

**_HE WAS SUPERIOR!!!_ **

**_And not Hyun._ **

.

However, even with two sidekicks helping, the silver haired boy had easily managed to subdue each and every one of the attackers. Against the leader, he had actually set a record, bringing the culprit into submission in less than 10 seconds with a swift kick in the stomach region that had emptied his body of air. He collapsed onto the ground.

**Terrified.**

He... couldn't breathe properly anymore and was struggling to gasp for air, yet failing.

The leader's panic was immortalized with many phones, awful taunts and giggles made at his wasteful self. _"Is this how you wanted to impress me? Lame."_ , his ex was the harshest though it wasn't the time to be hateful towards her. No. He was doing raspy gasps in the air, seeking help with his enlarged eyes.

Help that was slow to arrive until...

Hyun had left, running away from the scene.

.

**That bastard had left!!!**

.

Luckily, someone had alerted one of the adults there, thus the boy had been safely transported to the medical room where he soon recovered and told his story to the principal. Only years later did the truth come out that it was Hyun's doing, who had screamed for someone to help him save the guy.

_The silver haired was apologetic for the pain he had caused..._

The boy hated the bullying and had a great feeling of relief when finally seeing his abuser flopped on the ground. Nonetheless, the amount of suffering he had caused was hard to accept and if helped had arrived sooner.

...

No one wanted to imagine.

.

**~oOo~**

.

**Hyun's suspension from school was a heavy hit as endless shame was brought upon the family.**

.

Upon the mother who had taken the liberty to talk privately with the other boy's parents. They settled for a modicum amount of money as a form of _apology_ for their son's animalistic behavior and she had assured them it will not be an event with a sequel.

It was enough to calm down the spirits.

None cared about how Hyun wasn't the one who had instigated the fight, until proof leaked from the released footage that reached the principal's computer. The other participants were eventually expelled from the school, while the silver haired boy was free to return much earlier than the original date.

.

**_His mother did not flinch at the 'good news'._ **

**_Since that day, she had known only despair when looking at her child, 'thug' being the only thing she could think of._ **

**_The woman kept crying and cursing him and his existence in her life._ **

**_What sin had she committed to have such bad fortune???_ **

.

The broom and hangers became common tools of punishment used in the household. The woman had never resorted to such brutal actions before – _she did not want to be that type of mother_. Unfortunately, her child was giving her no choice in the matter. If he liked to physically hurt people, she would start with his own body and have him remember every wound and bruise before thinking of repeating the experience on somebody else.

Hyun withstood the punishments silently, despite his heart being in shambles from the excessive force used on him.

.

**For the first time since he was born, the boy had thoughts of fleeing home.**

**And actually pursuing that option.**

.

He didn't go through it, though.

The meals he received after those beatings were his favorite, the woman's rage depleted as conflicted sentiments flooder her own heart. She kept thinking her actions were just while eyeing his shivering and battered up figure. Her child's future was more important than his own emotions.

_A lesson had to be thoroughly taught!_

_She was a good mother, always having Hyun's future in her mind._

With every punishment she gave, she hoped the child could improve on his shortcomings and keep on doing so until there would be a day she would no longer have to stress over him needlessly.

A day where she could smile brightly, just like she would with her eldest son...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm planning for this elderly piano teacher to become a sort of family figure Hyun wished he had, a person who'll influence him greatly and even bring him once to a musical show, as reward for his good piano performances --- thus, paving his path towards finally realizing what Hyun's dream in life is._
> 
> _Hope it goes well, Lawl._


	4. Phase Four: Chasing Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hyun's life is changing, but it can be for the better as well. Not everything is gloom and doom. ^^ A little early treat cause I had thoughts that wouldn't leave my head, please do enjoy._

 

Weeks were flowing by without interruption, Hyun's life returning to a type of normalcy again. Only difference was, school had stopped becoming such a terrible burden upon his shoulders. The homework and hours spent in there remained ruthless and exhausted his brain endlessly, more and more the pressure to gain good grades was taking its toll on the student's sleep and overbooked his schedule.

However, the aggressive bullying had virtually ended for Hyun, the school turning into a safe haven compared to his home life.

_He was almost too eager to leave his household every morning._

Nonetheless, his mother considered this as a wonderful sign, pleased with her methods that were slowly showing the results she was expecting from the boy. Slowly, the punishments at home had stopped too, though the woman was still on guard duty in case Hyun decided to steer away from his designated path.  

_He could be easily swooned by ideals and dreams, which would be unwise to listen to._

.

**~oOo~**

.

At school, the boy's reputation had actually sky rocketed, despite the troubles he had received from the principal.

People were seeing him in a different light, girls especially eyeing him as a _potential interest_ to spend lunch with while some classmates remained hateful towards him, but did not express their disagreement that openly anymore, fearing a broken limb in the process. Some were friendly, others were opportunistic and just wanted to get on his good side in case he went wild. A whole lot would either want to invite him to hang out in karaoke bars or cafes in that short timeframe before they'd start their evening classes, in their respective hagwons _._

Hyun was shocked by this type of attention, but welcomed it graciously, always kind to newcomers who wished to speak with him. His smiles – _though strained in the beginning_ – were showing genuine appreciation.

**_He was learning about happiness._ **

**_His confidence and self-esteem was also rising, albeit gradually._ **

Being able to hold his ground has also earned him a good reputation between the boys, invited to many sports clubs in school. Unfortunately, he had to refuse them all – his packed-up schedule could not afford him to erase anything set to him by his mother. Hyun was smart, though not as diligent as some of the top students in class.

As such, the woman continued to rein control over his actions.

_But her control was slipping and was happening underneath her watchful gaze, unable to stop the upcoming events._

.

**~oOo~**

.

Karaoke bars around the school were not the most luxurious or the grandest spots like in other parts of town. These were pretty small, having rows of tiny cubicles where mostly four people could attend without hitting each other during performances. The first afternoon he set foot into one, Hyun had no desire to leave it, overwhelmed by a surge of emotions flooding his insides when his voice left his throat.

The boy had hummed songs before or, at least, he'd muttered stuff he would remember from previous piano lessons, various tunes and melodies. Bystanders would either stare at him in silence or feverishly compliment his amazing voice, resulting in his cheeks turning into miniature ripe tomatoes.

_Was his voice really that great...?_

Hyun had nobody to tell him that before – **_his mother felt it was the exact opposite, the boy generally trusting her word to hold the utmost truth_. _Right...?_** Whenever he dared to hum anything the piano teacher would teach him, she would dismiss it as him being too childish for his age and needing to grow up.

.

_"You have no talent in music!"_

_"Stop focusing on those lessons so much or expect any results from them!"_

_"The piano should help your mind focus in Maths better, so hurry up with solving those equations!!!"_

.

Thus the scolding continued, Hyun suppressing himself a lot back home.

Still,

It was becoming a strange concept to him, how his mother would bring him down each and every time he showed his musical skills, while the kids at school would offer so many kind and warm hearted compliments. The boy's mind would become fuzzy and entirely tangled with confusion, pondering what the actual truth was about his talents.

The most praise he would receive during the karaoke outings.

Whenever it was his turn to sing, the group would quiet down and listen, as though they were attending a private concert. They would be holding their breaths before the performance was finally over, exhaling into rounds of applause and cheers, some even commenting on their jealousy over his nice voice.

"You should become an idol with such a talent!"

A particular girl had caught his interest that day, her bold statement catching Hyun by surprise. "An... idol?", he asked a bit shyly, unsure what that even entailed, making people shocked by his lack of awareness of the subject. He was slowly being taught many of the current pop-cultural things he was missing out on. The boy especially got to know the popular bands that were now hip and hop in school.

"Damn, boy. Do you never watch that TV of yours at home?", one of his buddies chuckled, the boy dismissing that nonsense and laughing with the rest.

_He had been lying._

Hyun was pretty much ashamed to be left out in the dark like this, but was incredibly thankful there were so many people around him who could fill in the gaps. And his eyes remained mesmerized by the entire package of complex dancing routines, melody with accompanied voices and...

Everything.

Everything was wow to him, Hyun's eyes sparkling for the first time since he could remember.

.

**_'An idol...'_ **

**_'It seemed to be an interesting life.'_ **

.

.

**~oOo~**

.

The dreams stopped coming to the boy as often, but when they would appear, Hyun would often question the apparition on his thoughts about the future. He would share his discoveries with it and wonder.

**_What was right for him in life?_ **

He wanted to listen to his mother and be a good son, the woman carrying the same expression towards him just like when she would mention his brother. He was mother's pride and glory. Hyun wanted to become the same, but he felt like a failure most days. All days. She did not acknowledge his efforts no matter how hard he was trying and constantly pressed on his flaws, pointing out the areas which were lacking.

_Over, and over, and over._

_Disappointment was the result of the boy's hard work._

Hyun disliked being a burden to people, always apologetic for his wrongful actions. The joy for music would be diminished whilst at home, where he would be incredibly conflicted to the point of regretting ever being so happy over things that were _childish_ and _stupid._

So...

As much as it pained his own heart, Hyun might be wrong about researching stuff about music. He would no longer look up idols and their music, watch videos in secret when he should be asleep. The path to become a lawyer was being neatly paved since his birth, so he needed to stop such menial actions –

.

**_"Listen to your heart's wants."_ **

**_"Listen to what it's trying to show you."_ **

**_"Listen to the path life has prepared for you."_ **

**_"Don't ignore your destiny."_ **

.

"W-What silly things are you s-saying?"

 **"I can't disobey my own mom!"** , Hyun retaliated in anger and shouted, the frustrations being poured outside his body. Simply the thought of doing something against her wish was anxiety inducing and so utterly frightening to even imagine! Just thinking about the repercussions was enough to bring back the awful memories and make the young silver haired being explode into tears, while cowering on the floor with his eyes closed, hoping and wishing the pain would stop.

.

**_"It's more frightening to live in the darkness..."_ **

**_"It's more frightening staring at a light your entire life,_ **

**_while being enveloped by cold, tormenting hands that lock you up in a cage."_ **

**_"Strong grips that enslave you towards a path that blocks away any form of light..."_ **

**_"Hopes..."_ **

**_"And dreams."_ **

_._

"Dreams are childish to have!"

"Growing up is something everyone must do! One must learn to see what the best path in life is and follow it no matter the heartaches and struggles. Not follow wishes and dreams blindly!"

"What we want – **what I want doesn't matter!** What matters is to gain means of access to a comfortable life that can make my parents proud and earn me a stable livelihood, just like brother's!", the boy was offering all the reasons his mother repeatedly bore into him towards the shadow, who would bounce them off with so little ease...

**It was scary.**

The being was becoming a frightening presence to Hyun, because it was planting something dangerous into his heart.

A new perception.

.

**_"A dreamless life is one where the soul has already dried out, but keeps persevering."_ **

**_"Living becomes merely a habit you must do in order to keep surviving."_ **

**_"Like homework is for children – it becomes an obligation to do."_ **

**_"A miserable one rather than an experience doing it for pleasure..."_ **

**_"Excitement."_ **

**_"Happiness."_ **

**_"Passion."_ **

_._

The shadow contemplated what the right path was and knew not what the best answer was for Hyun. It agreed, however, that a light should not be blindly followed, but what if the mother's ideals were not taking him towards one of those either?

**_"Are you not blindly following someone else's wish in this case?_ **

**_"Isn't it better instead to follow a path of your own choosing rather than someone else's?"_ **

"Mother's older, wiser – with far greater experience than me, so of course I'd follow her wishes!", Hyun fought back, a bit more weakly than before. The boy was confused, realizing that he was unsure what he wanted to do in life, because the road his brother took did not seem appealing one second to him.

He needed advice, but he had nobody he could genuinely rely on in sharing these concerns and worries.

**_"You have me..."_ **

Surprised, he started staring at the shadow in front and suddenly it...

"Ah..."

She had a face – partly. The upper half of her face was still shrouded in darkness, revealing only tinted rosy lips and long brown hair. A gentle smile was creeping her features.

**_"I can't tell you what to do."_ **

**_"If you want to follow your parent's choices, then do it."_ **

**_"But if it's not what you want for your life, you should seek out your true heart's passion."_** , the shadow advised, continuing with a set of questions she hoped would be useful for Hyun to use as a guide in answering.

_._

**_"What is your passion...?"_ **

**_"What makes your heart flutter every single day when you wake up?"_ **

**_"What activity is bringing joy to you, no matter the hours spent doing it?"_ **

**_"What is making you happy and smiling?"_ **

**_"What..."_ **

**_"Is Hyun's greatest love in life?"_ **

_._

The boy remained frozen on his feet, his eyes bulging out from his sockets as the answer came up to him so quickly in his head that it did not seem natural. The shadowy girl began chuckling, clasping her hands together and making a twirl, pretending to dance as Hyun's mind became flooded with a tune he loved very much.

It almost looked like she could hear it...

That tune taught to him by the piano teacher on the first day of their meetings.

It would not escape his head no matter how many weeks have passed, Hyun's fingers inadvertently twitching as though he had a piano right in front of his face.

The thing which fit all those criteria was easy to find.

.

**It was music.**


End file.
